Cardboard does not cure cancer!

How many times do we hear something said and edit our comments or flat out stop expressing some comment? A friend talks about the hope they have in a relationship that doesn't seem healthy, productive, or likely to last. Someone says they found a way to make a million dollars from some get-rich-quick scheme and want you to join. A young family member says they are engaged to someone whom they've just met. An ill friend finds a "cure" for alcoholism or cancer - "No really... by eating more cardboard, I can control my drinking, and the cardboard also battles off any colon cancer cells." [Ok - well maybe that's just absurd, but then again, have you surfed the Internet lately. There's something for everyone.]

Balance.

When is expressing your opinion being helpful and honest and when is it being mean and cynical? There is a big difference between the intent of my actions and someone else's perception of that intent and reaction. I can't control how someone will perceive something. That doesn't mean I can't take a guess... "Gosh that dress makes you look heavy." Well - depending on the relationship with this person and the context, this could be either a very useful comment to help this person avoid embarrassment or it could be an insensitive crack. What's my intent? My intent is to let them know that the dress is not flattering and in fact makes them look heavier. Am I trying to word it in a way to control their reaction? To not hurt their feelings? Am I trying to word it to convey that my intent is honorable... helpful... kind? Is that trying to control them or just being clear and polite?

I can't control how others perceive things... though I try. [In fact, some would argue that's a big part of my job.] But when it's in an interpersonal relationship, it's unfair and unrealistic. How often do people think they are misunderstood, yet assume they not only understand another's viewpoint or emotions but by their action control the other's reaction?

This is something I know I must let go. That doesn't mean I give up the good intentions and sensitivity, but that I am honest. In the end, if I am honest then I am myself. I am not trying to censor myself. If my intentions are good, if I am honest, and if I am not unduly cruel, then over time, others' perceptions of me will recognize that trend. If they don't, do I really want to put forth the effort to try to change their perception? Isn't it better if I am just me and people see ME. Just ME of noble intent and honesty. No, I'm not always noble, nor honest with myself or others, though I try. But I can control only my actions and words - I can be kind but also, and more importantly, honest.

I try. I am. Me.

And I think that shirt looks great on you! Honest!